


Ragnarok (No, Not That One, This One's Just A House Pet)

by artificial_ink



Series: The Darcy and Hela Roommate Series [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, BAMF Hela (Marvel), Darcy thought she could help rehabilitate Hela, Gen, Hela has been banished to earth without her powers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Pets, She's not too sure anymore, and likes to commit petty crimes and cons to pass the boredom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:52:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18483220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificial_ink/pseuds/artificial_ink
Summary: Darcy gets pulled out of a terrible date when Hela insists she needs trunk room. Hopefully, it's not for a body.





	Ragnarok (No, Not That One, This One's Just A House Pet)

**Author's Note:**

> This was born when I saw a post somewhere on Tumblr about a Hela/Oceans 8 crossover. And then I commented on one of PumpkinDoodle's fics about my head cannons and it seems to have some interest from others. 
> 
> So here we go. It will probably be a series of short fics depending on what shenanigans or hijinks come to mind. I'm also more than happy to take suggestions. 
> 
> Special shout out to PumpkinDoodles, who suggested the title. Also thanks to SerialObsessor and Biblioworm for the added interest/suggestions.

As much as Darcy wanted to enjoy this date, she had to fight to keep her eyes open. Instead of giving into the need for sleep, she took a quiet, deep breath and forced her eyes to open wider. Across from her, George Dormer continued to discuss the nuances of architecture. Which to be fair, Darcy was sure she could follow and would actually find fascinating if someone wasn’t mansplaining simple concepts to her. As attractive as George was with his striking jawline, he reeked of arrogance and she wasn’t into that. No wonder he was recently divorced. But, Darcy’s mom had begged her to give him a chance. He was the son of one of her friends and thought George was the bee’s knees. On paper, he seemed like the perfect son-in-law and at 30, Darcy was pretty much a spinster. At least in her mother’s eyes since no grandbabies were on the horizon.

When Darcy took a long sip of wine, she offered a controlled and forced smile as she took a covert sweep around the restaurant. Maybe there was something more interesting going on that could keep her awake. Instead of exciting things like a proposal or a birthday, she saw Hela chatting with the hostess. Well, it was less chatting and more of her whispering threats. For what? Who knew? Darcy felt both relief and her blood pressure rising because while she didn’t mind cutting this date short, she also knew Hela was up to no good.

When Hela scanned the restaurant over the hostess’ head, she caught sight of Darcy and smiled in the superior but oddly endearing way that the Odinson/dottirs seemed to have perfected. With the purpose of the killer queen she was, she gracefully stalked towards Darcy’s table. Seven months ago, when Darcy found Hela in an empty field, spitting mad and without powers, she thought she could help mankind and take the Asgardian in. They’d been able to rehabilitate Thor so another royal Asgardian would be a cakewalk.

Unfortunately, Hela was more unhinged than Loki. At least Loki had his begrudging love for his brother to occasionally reign him in. Hela gave no fucks. She was a honey badger on steroids.

Jane had enough of Asgardians after breaking up with Thor but Darcy foolishly thought she could handle this one on her own. To be fair, Hela was much less bloodthirsty today than she was in those first few days. Darcy had even been able to curb her attempts at ruling earth through a political career. It still left Darcy with a roommate with a penchant leather pants, dramatics and petty cons. But again, to be fair, Darcy had been able to convince Hela, after watching a season of Leverage, that she could con to her heart’s desire if the con was against morally terrible people and that it didn’t put Darcy’s life in danger. The last part was a grey area for Hela but she’d been pleased to have Darcy’s approval (seriously, the Odinson/dottirs were starved for approval). 

“There you are. We must leave at once,” Hela announced, tapping her heavily ringed fingers on the table and bouncing on her leather booted heels. George stared up at her in annoyance but Hela didn’t seem to notice him. She wore a long, black jacket that swooshed like a cape as she walked, leather pants and a worn emerald shirt. Also, she was decked in numerous gold bracelets, necklaces and rings. It was all rich, understated steampunk meets Ren fair villain.

“Uh, I’m kind of in the middle of a date,” Darcy said because, well, it was the responsible thing to say.

“Hi, George Dormer. And you are?” asked George, annoyance clear in his voice as he offered his hand out for a handshake. Hela gave him a once over and obviously found him lacking. Darcy cleared her throat before Hela could introduce her in the way she still insisted: Hela Odinsdottir, Goddess of death, war and famine, true and rightful heir to the throne of Asgard and the nine realms. Introductions like that made people think she was a weird cosplayer. Sometimes Darcy let them believe that because it was easier.

“This is _Helen_. She’s my roommate and I’m assuming there’s an emergency,” Darcy said.

“Of course. Would I ever interrupt your dalliances for anything less?” Hela scoffed and as much as Darcy wanted to truthfully answer that, she let the opportunity pass.

“Is it something with my family?” Darcy asked, trying to lead Hela towards an appropriate excuse but either Hela didn’t understand the tone or didn’t care. The dark-haired Asgardian shrugged casually as she examined her fingernails.

“I suppose if you wish to call it that. It’s of utmost importance we leave at once. I require many supplies and you have the trunk space,” said Hela and from the frown on George’s face, he assumed this was one of those situations where someone was lying to get Darcy out of the date. To his credit, Darcy didn’t think he’d be self-aware enough to figure out a scheme like that.

“Sorry, um, I’ll pay my half with the hostess,” Darcy said, grabbing her purse and sweater. Without another word, Hela headed out of the restaurant and let Darcy deal with the check on her own as George glared. Thankfully, Darcy didn’t have the time to care what he thought. If Hela needed trunk space (she'd bought a motorcycle with her first crime earnings), it probably meant she was transporting something. Darcy’s mind reeled in a myriad of directions on what it could be but she knew it wasn’t good. From Hela’s choice of words, it probably meant they were going out into the woods to bury a body. Hopefully, the person wasn’t dead quite yet and Darcy could still salvage the situation.

 

* * *

 

“We must go to Pet Co,” Hela announced as soon as Darcy walked out into the cool night air. Darcy looked up in confusion. “We must make our home hospitable for Ragnarok.”

“Uh, isn’t that the end of the world?” Darcy asked. When they’d first met Thor, she remembered Erik telling her of all the Norse tales he’d learned while growing up. Ragnarok, he’d stated, was the events leading up to what was essentially the end of the world. Darcy wasn’t sure how they were supposed to make an end of days bunker with animal supplies. Then there was the puppy Hela pulled out from a sidesaddle bag of her motorcycle. It looked…kind of like a baby wolf. No, it was a harmless, domesticated puppy. Right? Already, warning bells went off in Darcy’ head. Hela had often lamented on the loss of her oversized wolf-

“I have decided to name this noble beast after that which I seek. You suggested I ‘think it into existence’, did you not?” Hela said, lifting the puppy towards Darcy. Its little tail wagged as it tried to lick her face. A nice distraction from Hela’s longing for the end of the life as they knew it.

“I meant thinking a job into existence,” Darcy pointed out, feeling her will breaking as the tiny pink tongue finally reached her cheek.

“Why do I need a job? It seems beneath me,” said Hela.

“Because you need to make money. To live. You can’t freeload off me for the rest of…however long you plan to stay on Midgard.”

“I bring in my share of revenue,” scoffed Hela, clearly offended at the insulation she didn’t pull her weight.

“ _Legal_ revenue,” Darcy clarified but lost her will to argue when Hela plopped the puppy into Darcy’s arms. The excited wriggling ball of fur was _so freaking cute_.

“I found her struggling to survive. Pushed aside as the runt and shivering alone. Do you not want to care for her? Allow her to grow into her full potential in a way her uncaring parents would not let her?” Hela tempted and Darcy scrunched her nose and puckered her lips. Of course, Hela related to the puppy. When Hela had enough vodka, she would occasionally tell Darcy bleak stories of her childhood. Most of it was about how Odin was an asshole who knew nothing about children. He pitted her against grown men in fist fights and expected her to win. But Hela clawed and fought to get just a semblance of approval. Only to have that hunger of approval to be her downfall because Odin felt she was too powerful and could not be controlled anymore.

This was a dirty trick. Hela was full of them but so far, Darcy had been able to resist or see through them. She saw through this one but did she want really want to? Especially when it was through a brown-haired puppy with a black nose and almost blue eyes.

“Ugh, let’s go to Pet Co,” Darcy sighed in defeat as Hela grinned in triumph. Besides, if this dog grew big enough, it could offer a decent amount of protection in their neighborhood. Other than Hela. It wasn’t like they had an attentive enough landlord or rules against pets in their lease. In fact, she wasn’t entirely sure if their landlord was real. They’d been kicked out of their last apartment when Hela threatened a maintenance worker with a sword because he didn’t fix their radiator fast enough. As an apology for turning them homeless, she’d found them a new place. It was a little run down but livable, cheaper and had a lot more space.

The large Victorian era house they now called home was somewhat run down and left in the middle of a dying industrial area. Rent was cash only, put in a paper bag and slipped into a deposit box of an empty bank. Super shady but she had a claw foot tub and an entire wing of rooms to herself. If she wanted, she could be far away from Hela’s scheming and try to attempt blissful ignorance. Also, it didn’t appear to be haunted, had an updated plumbing and electrical system as well as free (possibly stolen) Wi-Fi. So, at least there was internet and lights. Teenage Darcy would have been stoked about it all.

“Excellent,” Hela clapped her hands together and motioned for Darcy to lead the way. As Hela hopped on her motorcycle, Darcy carried their new house pet towards her car once they agreed to meet at the pet store. Petting Ragnarok, Darcy couldn’t help but notice the puppy had a pretty thick coat. And it’s face just…looked like a puppy but also a little feral as well. The rumbling of an engine signaled Hela had already made her way down the road.

“Oh god, Hela stole you from a zoo, didn’t she?” Darcy groaned, raising Ragnarok to eye level. The innocent puppy just licked her nose. Deciding that out of all the crimes Hela could and had committed, having a pet might instill some responsibility into the wayward Asgardian. With a snort of laughter, Darcy made her way to her car and wondered if having a pet could really undo centuries of bloodlust and Odin’s terrible parenting.

 


End file.
